8teen year old Pakistani American

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I need a vacay far far far away from this city and these people and this atmosphere of guilt.

What the fuck I just want to be truly happy ugh.

I can’t even fall asleep these days despite the random pill I’ll pop in every now and then for some help. What am I doing honestly. Like what.

I need t cry, my heart hurts so much but there’s nothing left to be let out and that’s probably the worst feeling. I don’t know when this whole sad pain situation will be over. I have so many other concerns in life that this one issue, actually three people, are throwing me off so badly. I just want to be at peace with myself. And just when I think I’m getting one thing right everything screws up.

Health wise my head is constantly hurting and my eyes hurt way too much to be on a phone screen all day. My eating patterns are God knows what and I’m still on a goal to lose weight. Especially now WAY more than before.

this is the most horrible I’ve felt about myself in weeks maybe months damn.
I just broke a niggas heart. He’s so done with me thinks I’m the worst girl in the world. I mean he’s right idk how and why I allowed him to be led on by me. It was the dumbest decision ever and from now on I literally don’t want to talk to any guys and just the entire male species in general. Yall fcking suck. Then ya gonna try to publicize your pain. Damn leave me alone. I didn’t tell you to go all out for me and I never once promised you a bright future. Like where the hell did you come up with this happily ever after story you dumb ass. IM EIGHTEEN. screw you.

And then on top of that this rishta issue that just arose. My parents are on my case and its ridiculous to say I know and I’ll regret it but I want to die right now. May everyone forgive me but I’m causing so much pain that I feel like I honestly need to disappear. I’m the worst.

My heart’s at peace ❤️

Wow I went to a baby shower this weekend that I told my mom I wasn’t in the mood to go to and now I feel like I’m under so much stress because of it. Smh. What is life.